War Paint

So I was on the train this morning on my way to school. As per usual, I rummaged through my bag to find my wallet, which also houses my monthly train pass.

While rummaging, I realized that I had my makeup bag with me. There's not much in it: two eyeliners, two mascaras, a blush, a concealer, a foundation, and an eyeshadow... ok maybe there is a lot in there. It didn't seem like much at the time, and the bag itself isn't even completely full.

The point of the matter is that as I was sitting there contemplating whether I should put on the makeup, it occurred to me: Why is it that women feel the need to wear make up? Why is it that we must always be the must fashionable, the best looking, and the one that stands out from all the rest?

We as women are so caught up in our looks, but I don't know why. I've never understood the fascination with lotions and other magic potions that are supposed to make your skin look younger or reduce the wrinkles or boost the collagen in your skin. Who cares about it all? We're human. We're not supposed to be perfect or look perfect or have the perfect anything. Life isn't about perfection. It's about the imperfections.

My opinion is this: wrinkles? They should not be covered up or fretted over. Wrinkles show that we are real. We have been through life, and despite all the hardship, we made it through. Wrinkles show that we know how to laugh. They show that we know how to cry. They are what makes us real to the next generation. When I look at pictures of women from earlier in the century. Women who did not have the greatest lives, I don't see wrinkles that make them ugly. I see a map of everywhere they have been in their lives. It adds grace and it adds character.

I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy. But is it crazy to think that American women spend way too much time and money on making sure they look good. And for who? For themselves... maybe, but more likely it's for a man in their life. And do you know how depressing that thought is. To define who you are and what you look like upon a standard set by a man.

I don't wear a lot of makeup. And I don't wear it very often. So I'm really hoping that I don't turn into one of those women who live off of the cosmetics department/aisle.

In the Computer Lab

So I'm in the computer lab at school right now. It's pretty sweet. My friends and I are planning out how to make a giant March Madness bracket that we're going to hang outside the A.P. Bio Lab. We're not sure just how it's gonna be done. And we realize that we're doing this a little bit late, but we're hoping that it'll be done by the end of the weekend. Then we can mess with it during the coming weeks.

This is where I segway into my love of college basketball. Well, really just March Madness. I love putting together my brackets and doing research on the teams. I don't know when this started. I want to say in the past couple of years.

My mom has always had a love of sports: baseball, college basketball, football. And this love has passed to me as well . Baseball and football are my favorites, but college basketball just does something to me. It instills a sense of excitement. Everyone is rooting for different teams as opposed to everyone cheering for the same team. The biggest rivalry in my school is Cubs v. Sox. We don't even talk about the stupid Chicagoans who root for the Packers instead of the Bears. We just ostracize them. :)

The Crushing of a Dream

So I found out today that apparently I'm not allowed to go to Jr. Prom.

This is a horrible, horrible thing.
I was really looking forward to it.

And really, I think the reasoning for me not being allowed to go to prom is pretty stupid. I already paid my punishment. This is like being in jail, finishing your sentence, and then being sent back a year into your freedom for the crime you were already in jail for.

Basically it goes like this:

I came home an hour late after the last school dance, Turnabout, in late January. I was grounded for like two weeks, and then my mom decided that because of that, and the events that ensued on Valentines day (see The Puppy), I would not be able to date my date. (Ha. that sounds funny.) She said I could not date the guy I went to the dance with.

So basically I've been twice punished already. 1) I was grounded, 2) I can't go out with the guy.

I will admit that it is mostly my own fault for arriving home late after Turnabout. I insisted on going out, but he didn't persist. (Not that I would have expected him too.)

Anyways, after that my mom might have said something about me not being allowed to go to Jr. Prom. But that was a long time ago. And I didn't think she was actually being serious. Serious enough that she would enforce stricter rules, but not serious enough to actually not let me go.

The saddest part about this is that the guy I want to go with... the guy with whom I will be going with if I can negotiate my way out of this... she loves! The guy reminds my dad of his best friend, and my mom loves him. How could she possibly think that what happened at Turnabout would happen again?

Although I should admit that part of me is not entirely content with my date. He's like my best friend. And I definitely have feelings for him. The fluttering of my heart whenever I'm near him should be enough proof. But it's hard for me to see the two of us actually being together. He can be a rather awkward person at times, and this makes it difficult for me to visualize the... more physical aspects of a relationship. Plus he's been my best friend for so long, that part of me sees him as a brother. (Mind you that's a small piece.) On top of that, I definitely have feelings for another guy.

It's very difficult for me to explain why. We sort of have a love/hate relationship. More in the sense that there are days that I love him and days that I hate him. I don't think he likes me beyond the physical though. I mean, I believe that he genuinely thinks of me as a friend, and he likes the fact that I'm intelligent and don't put up with his crap, but I don't think he has feelings for me beyond that of a friend. He once told me that I was the only girl he could actually be himself around. And I thought that it was some momentous thing. Apparently it wasn't though because it amounted to nothing. I really believe that he is a lost cause when it comes to a relationship in any way, shape, or form, but it's nice to think about. And I really do like him, despite the fact that I know it's detrimental to my mental health.

Basically, the whole point of this very journal like post is that... although I have a date to jr. prom, a dance I probably will NOT be going to, and although I adore my date emensely, part of me will always want to go with a different guy. And I don't know how to get over that.

Preventative Measures

So I'm supposed to be correcting my Jr. Research paper right now. The boy spoken of in my last real post corrected it for me. He gave me a B-. The Last person who corrected it gave me an A. I don't know what he saw that was so different from someone who is just as smart as him. But that's not the point of this post.

My paper is about childhood vaccines and why they should be mandatory. For the paper, I am require to present both sides of the issue. It's basically one giant pro/con paper with a strong conclusion as to what I would do if I was king of the world. Well, if I was king of the world, I would make them mandatory, but then people might get mad at me and resent me and then want to kill me. And we wouldn't want that would we?

So basically I am very much for forced vaccination. Although I admit that some of the arguments against it are valid, most of them are ludicrous. The one I despise the most is the one that says, "Vaccines cause autism."

Vaccines do not cause autism... or at least there is no proof for it. All previously confirmed evidence has since been disproven. The mercury in Thimerosal is not at all linked to people with autism.

And seriously? The chance that your child will get sick from the vaccine is much smaller than the chance that your child could die from not receiving the vaccine and contracting the virus itself.

That's my opinion.

Based upon Mr. Skelding's true statement about my last entry. I will now explain my own stupidity in my current situation.

So basically I am a giant flirt. And that has led me to be in a really really bad situation. Because of my stupid actions, I now have a group of boys who happen to like me, and I have to break all of their hearts', except maybe one.

Conor sad that it wasn't fair, the way that I made a general blanket statement about boys being stupid and performing rather idiotic actions. This very short entry is to explain that while I believe that boys are stupid, I know that girls are too.

The Puppy

So for Valentine's Day, I received this really cute stuffed animal from my... I don't know what to call him exactly. Currently we're friends. At the time I suppose he could be called a prospect? I liked him, he liked me. It all seemed like it would work out. And then Valentine's Day arrived. And he decided to act in a fashion that resembles that of most boys: like an idiot. I suppose, however, that I should not complain, for I will have a wonderful story to tell for the rest of my days.

Basically what happened, was this boy, scaring the crap out of me in order to leave me a Valentine's Day gift. Normally, I would find this type of behavior quite endearing, but unfortunately, my terror, caused me to awaken my parents. It was they who found the puppy sitting with a card and a homemade CD on my front steps, not me. This of course, caused them, a whole lot of anger. It was like 11pm and they were sound asleep when I woke them up.

I suppose I could have been a brave girl and gone and opened the front door myself, but I live on a busy street with a bar on the corner. You never know who's knocking on your door at 10:30, 11 o'clock at night.

I couldn't have asked for a better gift, however. And I don't think he quite realizes this. The puppy, who's name is Lucia, sleeps with me every night. She fits perfectly into my arms because of the way that I sleep: curled up, basically like a cat, in a ball.

Speaking of sleep, I probably should go do that now. I have school in the morning.